11/7/2006 China Day 43: Lhasa, Tibet - Lilian

The first time I met Lilian, I didn't think she was my type. But by the time I was getting ready to leave Lhasa, she was the only thing keeping me there, and I felt like I could have stayed there as long as she did.

The first night I met Lilian I thought she was beautiful in an elegant way, confident, sophisticated, and intelligent; but too serious - especially about her career, and too conservative. All of the friends I was with at the bar, though (4 people, including 1 slightly bisexual female), thought she was ravishing.

The next night, I met Lilian at the same bar with our friends, and I was already more at ease with her, although I'm not sure why. She did one thing that night which I will always remember as quintessentially Lilian. There was a idiot (immature) Tibetan guy that was spouting off about how women from city X were stupid and those from city Y were smarter. Lilian overheard and challenged the guy. She said to the guy, what's this about stupid girls from some city? The poor guy didn't know what to say, and soon he left our table - I think due in no small part to the fact that probably the only reason he was there was to talk to Lilian. So be warned, Lilian is open minded, but if you're spouting off nonsense, she's gonna knock you on your ass.

We all went to a dance club in Lhasa as a group that night - about 12 of us. Although nothing special happened for me, I felt comfortable enough to ask Lilian for her email address at the end of the night.

The next morning, I left Lhasa on my 15-day trip to western Tibet. Lilian and I corresponded by email over those 15 days in what I can best describe as a tender way - as often as we had Internet access. She told me about her plans and adventures to hitchhike and bus western Tibet. I told her about the cities I had already been to and which ones to try to stop at and which ones to avoid. She told me about her difficulties obtaining bus tickets and permits. I cheered when she told me monks and other random passengers helped her hide from checkpoint officials. I empathized with her when she had to abandon her plans to go to Mount Kailash and Lake Manasarovar in western Tibet because she couldn't get a bus ticket to Ali. She discussed joining me on my planned SUV trip to eastern Tibet after I got back from western Tibet.

When I got back from western Tibet, I stayed at the same hotel as Lilian, and there happened to be a bed free in the same room. The tenderness I felt over email transferred naturally when we met again in person because Lilian was sick for the first 2 days I was back in Lhasa and she could really use someone's help making sure she was warm, and holding her when she felt weak.

At times during the day when she felt strong enough to talk, we had really long, really meaningful talks about her ex-boyfriend in Europe who had cheated on her, her new boyfriend in Tibet for whom she was developing deeper feelings, and her ex-best friend in Switzerland with whom she had grown apart because her friend wasn't willing to do for Lilian what Lilian would have done for her friend in a heartbeat. Lilian asked and I told her about my childhood and my parent's divorce. What I found out is that we have 2 really important values to me in common: (1) doing your best no matter what you're doing, and (2) doing almost anything for your good friends.

When I left Lhasa, I told Lilian what a special girl I thought she was. She thanked me for taking care of her while she was sick, and I felt comfortable enough with her to ask her for a couple favors that I didn't have time to take care of in Lhasa.

This is the first time that I can remember that my second impression was so different from my first impression. Perhaps it will remind me to be open minded about second opinions in the future.